rui: (thousand pink petals)
i will gladly stay an afterthought. ([personal profile] rui) wrote2010-02-06 11:07 pm
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Meme stolen from [personal profile] corinthian/[ profile] actualize

Leave a comment saying, "READ HARD" and I will give you five things I associate with you. Then post about what they mean to you, along with this, at your journal.

So i downloaded Life Outside Andromeda's albums [personal profile] amber. Yes. And it's sort of the music that straight up stabs into my soul. I'm admittedly that kind of person who gets fixated on certain things, who can listen to songs over and over and over until that switch flips. There's a little bit of mourning in it, because this is a band i never knew until years after they were over. The transience/permanence of music fascinates me that way. It also kind of indicates my age--the majority of the music i love is either dated or sounds it. But there's something about this band that has hooked me in a way that makes me want to share them with everyone.

In a weird way, sabra has kinda become my new cfud, in the way that cfud was back in ye dark ages when i first joined the game. It requires dedication but is also digestible. I've heard plenty of people say the EXACT opposite about it in terms of accessibility, but the chan is small enough that it's not intimidating, the playerbase is manageable in my head. It's not a perfect game by any means, and has the same behind-the-scenes issues as every rp of any stamina i've ever been in. But the concept is interesting to me, the type of characters that are appable there are pretty different than cfud, and for the moment at least, it feels pretty fresh and strikes a balance between playing an established character and playing an OC. Right now i'm admittedly more interested in DRAMAZ than in lulz, which is why i've been playing in sabra and...not in camp.

I've been in cfud a loooong time. I joined the game about 6mos in, and haven't left. So it's sort of this thing that's always there in my life. Most of my friends are cfuders, present or former. It is probably the biggest internet phenomenon in my life besides lj itself, which is definitely part of why i am kind of loath to give it up even though i feel like i've mostly lost touch. The losing touch is entirely my fault and i won't even try to deny that--the game is just too enormous and unwieldy and, dare i say it, getting repetitive. Maybe it's the characters i app, maybe it's just that i've been in the game for so long that there's not much to do, maybe it's that the game has kind of evolved beyond what i really want to do or vice versa. At the same time, it's really difficult for me to imagine life after cfud. It's responsible for so many good things in my life and it seems almost disrespectful to say i'm bored and let it go. idk i have camp angst :/

O Sophie. In a way, Sophie is my forever girl. I didn't drop her because she bored me or because i was tired of her, but because of the way her development went in camp--she basically went as far as she'd go, and then some things happened that made her just...stop. And i'd never app her again in camp, but i've been looking for a place where she'd fit ever since i dropped her. She's sort of the extreme soul animal for my teenage self. We have AUs that involve her that i'd absolutely keep writing if people were interested, and she's the character that i have ridiculously complex and long-spanning postcamp headcanon for. Everything about her pings me in my soulplaces, from her family issues to her elaborate fronting to her attempts to be all things to all people and that endless well of inner strength that's half plain fear.

Haaaa. Writing and i have a tumultuous relationship anymore. All through junior high and high school i wanted to be a Writer. Going to college ruined that for me by highlighting the realities of attempting to get published and also by throwing in my face the fact that while i might have been good--really good--in high school, that wasn't going to get me any goddamn place beyond that. Then some crazy medication-related shenanigans went down in college and all of a sudden i lost (or felt like i did, which is the same thing in this case) whatever spark it was that let me put words on paper in a meaningful way. Since then i haven't really written any poetry and the only fiction i've written has been fanfic (which absolutely has merits regarding polishing narrative skills but you still aren't doing the world or character building necessary for real fiction writing). People tell me that i have a very distinctive written voice, and i don't deny that, but i no longer feel like it will take me anywhere. That's still something that makes me sad. Which is to say that when it comes down to it, i guess i don't have the balls to be a real writer.

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